As someone who is on the job hunt, I feel I'm well placed to

While-u-wait

Job hunting is easy, except for when you’re waiting to hear the result of your job hunting. Here's what to do while you're waiting to hear the result of your job application:

1. Email the person you've applied to asking for an update. But not like, daily. I'm thinking at least 4 times a day.
2. 'Connect' on LinkedIn with anyone who has ever been in contact with the company you've applied to, which can absolutely include the adult children of the CEO, and the child children of the CEO.
3. Phone a friend. You'll have to listen to some stuff about their job and kids and ageing parents, but eventually there'll be an opening where you can quiz them on who they know and how well they know them. This will give you the names of people you can then pretend to know or have met at a conference in 2018 (but then covid and so who remembers anything around that time amiriiighhht) whenever you connect with people on LinkedIn.
4. If the company has an office, and it's not too far from your home (anywhere that you can fly to in one leg), go to the office, but don't go inside. Stand in the foyer and try to catch a glimpse of the hiring manager your cover letter was addressed to. But don't talk to them. A glimpse is enough. As long as they glimpse you glimpsing.
5. Find out where the hiring manager's children go to school. Don't go to the school. That would be creepy. Hire a child actor, dress the child actor in the same uniform the hiring manager's children wear. But don't take the child actor anywhere. They might soil the uniform, which you really want to return. Take a photo of yourself walking the child actor to a generic looking school (ie a school), then post on LinkedIn about the daily grind of school drop offs.
6. Do you have a Ouija board? If so, you know what to do. If not, never mind.
7. Dress in your second best suit and find a fountain proximate to the office you're hoping to work at. You're going to ruin the suit, but you want to look good - hence the second best suit. Find a stick and piece of string. Set them aside. Buy some fish - either live from a pet shop or dead from a fish shop. Buy a block of firm tofu. Dump the fish into the fountain, along with the tofu. Fashion the stick and string into a makeshift fishing rod. Wade into the fountain and perform the act of catching one of the fish. Dive into the water, wrestling with your catch, and then come up with the block of tofu. If you are surrounded by business people who seem to understand whatever the underlying meaning of your performance has been, you're done for the day. If not, re-dress in your third best suit and repeat the other steps at a different fountain.
8. Get to 100,000 connections on LinkedIn. You will know less than 1% of the people, and your feed will become truly atrocious, but you will be in a position to screenshot your number of connections and concoct a truly LinkedIn-worthy post about how connected you are on LinkedIn.
9. Just keep waiting.