Mystery

I think I could write a book about being a teenage pickup artist, and this is an excerpt of that yet (as yet aspirational) book. It’s only a coincidence that this piece of writing takes the name of one of the pickup artists from The Game, which I have read about, but not read.

At the beach, there are two types of teenage boy. There is shirt off boy. And mystery boy.

Some people think there’s a third category called ‘shirt on boy’, but that is false.

Shirt off boy is confident that he has a bod like a god, and he is quite sure the world both wants and needs to see it. So when he gets to the beach, or sometimes before he even leaves home, he goes shirt off. He’s giving the people what they want, and if there’s a ‘Fun In The Sun’ Sunday newspaper photographer present, he’s ready to be flexing in the shot.

Mystery boy is harder to explain. He is a mystery. And that doesn’t mean there is a mystery as to who or what he is. It means who or what he is is a mystery. If you don’t see the distinction, that’s on you.

Much like the non-existent category of shirt on boy, mystery boy keeps his shirt on at the beach. It’s important to note that this has nothing to do with the effeminate nature of his puppy fat deposits. Nor their placement on his chest and hips. Nor the fact that the rest of him is skinny and without muscle tone. None of that weighs in to his decision to go shirt on.

Mystery boy goes shirt on because whatever is underneath that shirt is a mystery. Is it hot as all heck? Is it appealing for your sensual healing? The world will die wondering. Because mystery boy gives nothing away. And I’m giving nothing away, mystery boy need never disclose the status of his body as sexy or otherwise.

Finally, a note on sexiness. It’s important to note that the writer is writing this from the first person perspective of his historical self. In no way is this document an example of teen boy fantasy.

And yet, for anyone Googling the phrase teen boy fantasy, this article will surely appear. But that’s unavoidable, as long as the number of times the phrase teen boy fantasy is used the minimum number of times.

So again, this is not a teen boy fantasy, nor is it intended to be read by a teen boy. Fantasy is, in any event, personal to all of us.